Shifting from Convincing to Being Understandable When we focus on winning or not losing in conflict, our brain shifts into fight-or-flight, leading to blame, generalizing, or silent treatment. Instead, shift from convincing to being understandable: listen to truly get the other’s perspective, and clarify your own so you can explain calmly. Whether couple, parent–child, or teen–parent, this shift helps both feel heard, understood, and connected, not stuck in the same loop.